Tuesday, April 21, 2009

BEDA Blog #21

Have you ever talked to someone and knew that they weren't listening to you. They nod their head and smile, but they have no idea what you are saying. It is very frustrating. Then, when you're done talking, they will ask a question. I think they do this to make you think that they were listening and that it's important enough that they want to know more. The problem is they ask a question, and if only they had been listening, they would already know the answer.

Lately I have been feeling this way a lot. Like everyone is talking at me (or about me), but not with me. It's a very frustrating and lonely feeling. It's like people already have this idea about who you are and what you're about. They've got you all figured out, so why look any deeper? Why actually listen to what that person has to say?

I know that I'm part of the problem. I'm too quiet and shy. I always have been. Honestly, I don't know how to be any other way. It takes a while for me to able to open up to people. I can count on one hand the people who actually know the real me. (and for the record, they seem to like me.)

Anyways, I've been trying to focus on who I really am and what I want to do with my life. I mean, there's really 3 versions of me.
1. Who people think I should be. (and for awhile I believed them)
2. Who I am right now. (confused and lonely)
3. Who I really want to be. -This is the one I am working on.

That is all I have time for now.

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